To Conquer
by EvilestCandyBar
Summary: What do villains do after their schemes come undone? After the heros have come and saved the day? After they died? Or have they really? This is my version of their 'afterlife'. Mainly Kefka, Sephiroth and Kuja.
1. Chapter 1

This is simply an idea that came to me in a dream. And um… Keffy, Sephy, Kuja?

Kefka: EvilestCandyBar does not own Final Fantasy VI, VII or IX. Or Kingdom Hearts!

Sephiroth: All of the characters belong to their creators. Whoever those lucky people may be.

Kuja: And we thank the gods.

Kefka: Yo-

Kuja: The real gods, for that everyday.

Riku: On with the show!

Kuja: Story, dear.

Riku: Oh. On with the story!... Can I have my cookie now?

I love reviews people. They make me want to type more.

It has all happened once before, and knowing my luck it would happen once again. But I feel the need to tell you about this time. And why is that, you may be asking. Because I want to and as author I'll write what I want. But reasoning is pointless at this time.

It was determined by one Sephiroth… eh… does he have a last name? Do any of us save me have one? Once again I'm rambling aren't I? Uwee hee hee! Anyways, it was determined by Sephiroth. You should know him. Who doesn't? You know, black leather, never ending silver hair, pale skin, cat-like green eyes, and a long-ass over compensating sword. Yeah, what's not to like about the freaking man, never mind his plan and methods suck. He's cute and wears leather! No, I'm not bitter.

Now onto my story. I suppose it's time to speak of how the mighty fall. It began with Sephiroth. He had determined that we should once more take over a learning institute, or school. This time a senior high school.

I was personally glad for this change. Our last mission of taking over some middle school academy thing was annoying. Especially when Kuja got pregnant and sent us on pointless missions to retrieve canaries, teach them to sing and sew small outfits for them. But that was all another story.

Oh, I've forgotten to introduce myself and my companions. First, our self declared leader, Sephiroth. For details on him consult the second paragraph. Then there was Kuja, a very pretty little doll. But he has some attitude on him. Especially when Sephiroth decides to get him pregnant. This had only happened once before, but that was more then enough for me. Now don't get me wrong. I may sound like I hate these people, and hate would be nice. Hate hate hate hate hate HATE! But I truly don't hate them, they have over these years became my best friends. Moving on though, the third of my companions is the munchkin, Seph and Kuja's son, Riku. He's a bit bratty to tell you the truth. Uwee hee. That's mainly my fault though. I feed him cookies and candy and all those other junk foods that simply looking at will rot your teeth out.

Then there is me. And as they say, you must save the best for last. I'm Kefka Palazzo. Former soldier, emperor and god. Yes, that is all true. After all, key point is being FORMER. You know how it goes, the hero's come and challenge the villain and somehow, despite all odds and logic they when and kill us. But we didn't really die, oh no. We were still alive, and we sought to still do villainy things, but we had been drained of most of our powers, and brains in Sephiroth's case. But that's not such a loss. I doubt he had much to begin with, foolish momma's boy.

Anyway, back to the story. Oh look! … I wrote all this without much of my insanity making it's way out. Well that's just unacceptable! So I'm going to tell you some other things before I begin. I like headless chocobos, they make very interesting noises. I would love to know where that comes from. I hate, hate hate hate hate, moogles. Especially those in heat that feel the urge to hump your leg. I love to make peons, you know those soldiers that are expendable, clean imaginary dust from my boots. I suppose I like Kuja, Sephiroth and their mini. Otherwise, I would kill them. And yes! I could do it! Do not doubt me! Uwee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee!

Hmm. Well yes, taking over this high school. We set out to conquer piece by piece and to begin? The gymnasium! Did I ever tell you that when I was a child I hated gym? It seemed the teachers always had favorites and they were always big and beef. With less brains then a goldfish out of water. So it should be quite easy to obtain our first objective.

…. Unfortunately I seem to be being forced to put out the camp fire and retire to my small tent. Why do those things have to have little antennas? Farewell those who read this… Uwee hee! I'm being yelled at by Kuja! You know he only wears a lacy teddy to bed?

Ouch… he's pretty good with flare star too….


	2. Chapter 2

Hey! Back again for another installment. Hope you people are having as much fun reading as I am writing this.

Kefka: You realize that you're ruining our character's right?

Yes! Isn't it delicious?

Kefka: It is! Uwee hee!

Sephiroth: This hyperactive moron does not own us.

Kuja: And we that whatever god, not you Kefka, that helps villains for that everyday.

I've just realized that despite everything I've explained, I never told you how the three of us met. Which you truly shouldn't want to know about. Really, who do you think you are getting involved in the inner workings of my mind? You should be running in terror of my name. So run now… shoo! Scram! Get! Shoo! Shoo!

I noticed you didn't shoo. I hope you can feel my glare. The voices don't like you much either now.

Very well, but don't go crying that nobody warned you. So I was telling you about when Kuja, Sephiroth and I met. This needs a little history lesson.

When we died, as I refuse to say were killed, it's so unfair! I was so powerful! Ahem. Pardon, so unfair. When we died our punishment was to be sent to this other world, Earth, they call it. And that's where we met up.

For the most part it was quite a nice place, sometimes sickeningly so. We learned some interesting things. For example… um, oh! Terra, Gaia, Midgar these are all names that mean Earth. Its odd how many names they have one thing on this planet. Take me for example, God, Ra, and Buddha… uwee hee hee hee hee hee hee…. I'm going to stop now; Kuja's giving me that look. Can't laugh around him, I swear.

So the only problem we had was people coming up to us and telling us what "awesome, super cool, totally wicked cosplay costumes" we had. But we didn't kill these people. Kuja figured it was best we turn over a new leaf. Well that was until we found out what exactly they were talking about.

Ever heard of the Final Fantasy series? You know those role play, action/adventure, numerical, turn based fighting games? I thought you did. Well we were in them. The sixth, seventh and ninth to be precise. That was quite flattering. Uwee hee hee hee hee! More people deserve to know about me after all.

But what we realized next was infuriating. They call us villains! US! Well that hardly could settle with us. How were we villains exactly? I was changed to be this way. Sephiroth was born that way. Kuja was doomed and forced to be that way. Were we really so wrong?

Seph and I were saving everyone, by insuring they could never destroy themselves. We took on the dirty work! And Kuja. Poor Kuja, no world has the right to live if something so beautiful had to die! You want your villains? Blame the scientists!

We should have been the heroes of these games. Uwee hee. Wouldn't you love to play as me?

Back to the task at hand, deciding to seek revenge on those who played these games we did some research. Our discovery: Majority teenagers. Zitty, filthy, little hormone bags. And thus, our quests for domination of the institutes that melt their brains began. We would take over all schools!

So we've arrived back to our dilemma. Obtaining our first portion of the school. The gym. Luckily we planned our attack after the final bell had rung. The room was empty, save for the few steroid induced creatures that stayed behind to further expand their bulge; I don't refer to the lack of one in their pants either.

So the task was in front of us, how to get them out of the area so we could claim it? It hit us! I'll never forget the look on Kuja's as we both eyed him. It was almost humorous that he attempted to hide behind the sleeping child in his arms. Well it was until I was forced to hold said sleeping child. But sacrifices needed to be made.

So Kuja's part in the plan may peak your curiosity. Or to be more specific Kuja was the plan. When Garland made that creature he must have wanted both male and female, but not a hermaphrodite. Kuja was the ideal for such a description.

He went in one door, rounded hips swaying over the necessary amount. He went parading through the gym, pretending to not notice the eyes following him. He went out the other door with a large group of morons following him. Oddly Sephiroth wasn't included. No he was too busy growling. But we secured our victory.

We darted into the room and I forced Seph's son into his arms as I magically began locking all entrances, save the one that Kuja darted back in through and locked himself. And thus! We had conquered the gymnasium. Uwee hee hee hee hee hee!

It was lucky for us that the next room Kuja wanted was right next door…. The cafeteria!


	3. Chapter 3

First I would like to apologize for the insanely long hiatus on this story, furthermore I would like to state that I have recently gotten back in the mood to write stories, so this one should experience many updates and new stories should be coming up

First I would like to apologize for the insanely long hiatus on this story, furthermore I would like to state that I have recently gotten back in the mood to write stories, so this one should experience many updates and new stories should be coming up.

Kefka: You just don't love us anymore!

No that's not at all true, I still have very special places in my heart for you all.

Sephiroth: … Joy.

Kuja: Lovely…

The cafeteria turned out to be much more of a challenge; they locked it that evening you see. And as we didn't want our invasion to be known until there was no other way to continue, we had to refrain from breaking in. So we choose to wait until the following morning.

That night we had an heated planning session, a whispered one but heated none the less,… I got flare starred and chased around by the idiot. Riku was sleeping, and apparently my laughter kept disturbing him. That child is retarded; my laughter is as soothing as the ocean. Uwee!!

So the plan? We would wait until the morning and work with the breakfast shift; it would be simple to impersonate lunch ladies. With that vague plan in mind, we went to sleep.

The next morning found us ducking around a corner and watching as the first woman entered the domain of food. We followed her, which of course made us resemble three highly overgrown chicks following a legless chocobo. Really, that woman was so short, I bet Seph was born taller then her. In fact, Kuja and I might have been as well.

She turned and gave us a look that clearly said that she knew we were up to no good. Yet she didn't seem afraid. That bothers me… FEAR ME YOU FOOLISH SUBLEVEL EMPLOYEE!!!!!!! I didn't say that at the time, but I think she knew I was thinking it, because I was being looked up at over the top of her glasses at me. My mother gave me that look a lot. Like this one time that cat had its head stuck down the toilet and a dead moogle up it's… Uweeeheheheheheheee!

After a few minutes of looking us over, and another twenty of her trying to seduce Sephiroth with her beady blood-shot eyes, she muttered something about it being 'about time' and led us to the back. We were then given the equipment, gloves, apron… and hairnets. Joy.

So the next few moments were spent attempting to force Kuja's head into a hairnet, and then we gave that up and decided to cater to his ego. Telling him how only one as lovely as he could possibly make this horrid fashion statement look good. That always worked.

Then we were to face hairnet challenge two… getting Seph's hair into the net….

Now to answer the reviews.

PoaTB – I'm glad you enjoy this story and I hope you can read this next part, I'm sorry for the wait, darling.

Kit Thespian – I apologize for the disturbing image that comes from Kuja's gender, but I'm glad you enjoyed the story none the less.

PhantomShadowDragon – I wish I had seen a cosplayer like that. It would be amazing to say the least. Yes Kuja and Seph are pretty cute together, and they create a Riku, no problem there. And my theory about his laugh? … You know all the balloons that little kids accidentally let go of and they fly off? He floats around in the sky eating them in his spare time.


End file.
